Monday, December 22, 2014

Menuangkan sebagian pikiran

Kalimat-kalimat pendek memenuhi kepala
Rasanya bingung bagaimana menyusunnya
Inginnya membuat rangkaian kata seru
Tapi terlalu banyak dirasa
Kehabisan konjungsi

2015 sebentar lagi
Waktu terus berjalan tanpa tunda
Tahun baru, resolusi baru
Kehidupan baru
Banyak kenangan 2014
Bersyukur, Senang, Lega bisa sampai sejauh ini
Mengalami kejadian-kejadian tak terduga selama 2014
Apa selanjutnya di 2015?
Masa depan jadi misteri
Disini menatap kedepan bagai kabut awan yang saya bahkan tak tahu
apa yang ada dibaliknya?
Terus berharap pada-Nya
Mencoba mengikhlaskan segala macam bentuk penyesalan

Tinggal 9 hari lagi?
Apa yang dapat dilakukan?
Sedangkan saya disini, tidak akan berkata bohong, tapi saya takut.
Rasanya berat untuk mengambil keputusan hidup kedepan
Takut salah langkah.
Saya tahu pikiran-pikiran ini yang meracuni saya
Saharusnya tidak berfikir seperti ini, bukan begitu?
Saya percaya adanya Tuhan, yang selalu memberikan yang terbaik.
Tapi kadang lelah membohongi diri sendiri,
kalau saya, masih belum cukup hebat untuk membuat keputusan kedepan
Banyak pikiran.
Tapi tak mau terbeban pikiran.
Saya banyak mau.

Benci hal-hal buruk yang terjadi.
Saya egois, memang. 
Tapi bisakah, saya bahagia sebentar, merasa lega
tak usah cemas, memikirkan masa depan?

Ah. Memang pikiran saya cemen. Kadang saya benci diri saya yang inginnya instan.
Memang dunia ini bukan mesin pembentuk keinginan. Tapi, saya hidup banyak berharap.
Semoga lebih baik kedepannya.
Saya berdoa bukan hanya untuk keadaan.
Diri saya yang terpenting.

Boleh saya akui, saya berharap banyak dari diri saya pada tahun 2015.
Saya butuh kepastian masa depan.
Semoga pentunjuk Tuhan segera turun
Tidak lain dan tidak bukan, Jurusan PTN.
Bantu doa ya, biar dapat masuk PTN. itu saja dulu. :)

Monday, September 8, 2014

Clueless.

So much going on lately
i'm feeling like i'm losing myself
i'm feeling clueless
and i realized..
i'm not a person like what i think i was.
After what i've been through all this time
just not enough to make me mature enough, to make me strong enough.

Mentioned about maturity, well, it reminds me a little bit about an episode i watched from The Carrie Diaries show. After watching the episode that night, it made me think. (Now i have to google the quotes cause i forgot and it seems i don't have much time to re-watching it.) So, here's what i found;

Love is something we wait for.
We imagine our first kiss, our first sex, our first" I love you".
But we never imagine our first heartbreak.
Maybe because it's too painful to even imagine.
But in a way, the pain for love is what truly changes us.
It's the losing of love that makes us who we are--
The loss of a parent, of your virginity, who you thought you might be, of your innocence.
Those loss are perhaps our first steps into adulthood.
Life gets more complicated.
But it's also filled with promise and the possibility of opening your heart to new beginnings.
And new dreams, in new places.
The city was no longer a fantasy.
It was real, and I knew now I wasn't searching for something or somebody here.
I was searching for me--
Who I was, who I wanted to be.
Finding my voice wasn't gonna be easy.
But for the first time in a long time, I thought it would be fun.
---The Carrie Diaries [Season 2]

I've experienced a loss of someone i love, i knew i'm hurt but i survived.
I've lost my innocence. Heartbreaks. And i think i can go through it all till now.
It made me think that i have matured enough for my age. Then i realized, i am not. I am not there yet.
Just like what Carrie said, "Those loss are perhaps our first steps into adulthood." Well yes, It is just a FIRST STEP! There are still many moooore.

and by reading this web (because i am pretty curious about what maturity is, lol) i found:

1. A mature person is able to keep long-term commitments.
2. A mature person is unshaken by flattery or criticism.
3. A mature person possesses a spirit of humility.
4. A mature person’s decisions are based on character not feelings.
5. A mature person expresses gratitude consistently.


Aaaand guess what? I am so far from that. Soooo faarr away but at least i'm on my way.
I want to keep learning. To brace myself. Make myself stronger. I think it's a goal of my life, being mature.

And i hope it's like what Carrie said again,
"Finding my voice wasn't gonna be easy.
But for the first time in a long time, I thought it would be fun."


Xx

Wednesday, August 20, 2014

K.A.N.G.E.N

jaaaadi tiba2 gue jadi buka2 blog lagii deh. udah lama pingin nulis2 gajelas lagi disini karna ternyata ada aja yang buka blog gue loowwhh hahahaha

kayak judulnya gue baru buka2 foto-foto lama, buka blog2 temen2 lama yang udah gapernah keurus, baca-baca cerita jadul jaman2 smp yang lagi hits-hitsnya punya blog sama hits-hitsnya foto2 pake kamera sony erricson, atau yang udah rada kerenan dikit, jaman nya pake bb curve.

gue KANGEN temen-temen smp! Walaupun dulu gue drama banget masih labil-labilnya :')

gue KANGEN sama masa-masa kelas 8 dimana masa-masa seru tanpa beban
apalagi sama 8.5 kita sampe bikin geng "lamacrew" padahal sih judulnya delapan lima crew tapi isinya kok cuma 14 orang HAHA

KANGEN ngebolang sama lamacrew :') main kerumah opin, ngebopung di komplek Royal Residence, naik sepeda, ngumpul LENGKAP 14 orang cerita-cerita, ngakakin kejadian aneh2, main juber, sampe maleeess banget pulang..

KANGEN jalan-jalan ke kota tua.. gatau ngapain kita gajelas! tapi seru nya bukan main.

KANGEN sebangku sama arizha waktu kelas 9! gue merasa sangat kreatif masa2 itu. Dikelas kerjaannya bukan meratiin guru, tapi malah ngobrol everytime, ngasih nickname ke orang-orang, mirip-miripin orang sama binatang :(, ngeliatin muka orang yang lagi serius meratiin guru... terus ketawain. Gambar muka guru terus lomba mirip2an hasil.... terus ketawain lagi. Gabut parah. Untung pinter gue kelas 9 ranking 6 :P Tapi gue berdampak buruk buat arizha yang biasanya ranking 3 dia jadi pemalas ga pernah 10 besar sekarang HAHAHA

KANGEN kelas 7 juga! Dimana dulu temen sepergilaan gue ituu VIA yang sekarang jadi anak gaul super hits :p dulu kita rebel ABIS. Make sepatu ngga pernah bener, dateng les selalu telat, nyampe tempat les ngobrol, berisik, dimarahin, nyatet. Hampir setiap hari kita main kerumah. Makaaaan terus kaya babi. Berurusan sama kaka kelas. Nge fans sama justin bieber paraah sampe akhirnya kita memutuskan jijik sama bieber. Ngepoin, ngefans sama anak-anak globaljaya. ke ruang BK mulu sampe afal BU RETNO. Di hukum bareng gara-gara main petak umpet masuk kelas lewat JENDELA. Alhasil disuruh nyapu pulang sekolah :"") FIX GILA tapi kita haappy yuhu!

KANGEN livia kezia rheine yang masih suka main bareng. main kerumah livi paling sering makan baso yang gapernah bosen-bosen sampe sekarang.

KANGEN sama kesolidan 1 angkatan #32 TARPAT yang gakenal gengsi. Kita itu ya KITA. Kita bareng-bareng.

Kadang rasanya pingin balik ke masa-masa indah. Memperbaiki yang seharusnya diperbaiki. Melakukan apa yang harusnya dilakukan. Menghargai setiap menit yang dilewati.
Andai ngumpul-ngumpul sama temen bisa segampang kaya waktu dulu. Sedangkan sekarang udah sibuk sama urusan masing-masing. Janjian ketemuan, jadwal bentrok sana-sini akhirnya ga jadi-jadi ketemu. Kalaupun ketemu ga sengaja, ketemu cuma sekedarnya, karena waktu yang ga mendukung.
Rasa canggung sekarang muncul, beda sama dulu-dulu yang gatau malu, gatau yang namanya gak enakan.
Sekarang mungkin emang ga kayak dulu. Tapi 'dulu' tetep punya kenangan tersendiri yang ga bakal dilupain. #tsah

*nulis post ini sambil throwback ditemenin lagu-lagu The Trees and The Wild yang sempet jadi influence di Tarpat*



GUDNAYT!

Tuesday, May 6, 2014

hella

So, today i made poems while i was at school. I'm that bored and distracted to even hear the teacher so i decided to write poems and doodling instead of doing nothing. so here it is. sorry for the titleless poetry this is just for fun.


a part of me need an answer
a part of me doesn't want to know
a part of me wanting more
a part of me caring less

one thought against another
we live in a space of choices
two can happen at the same time
the war in one soul

Y.N
**


Pretend

We pretend we're fine
When you know you're dying
We pretend we don't care
When it hurts you like hell

Y.N


So Thats it. MEH.
btw, Im so happy that i found a friend who likes poetries too! (He even made some) and is soooo good in english too. Horai

Tuesday, March 11, 2014

March 1st

Love.. lust.. life
if it's right
or if it's wrong
who could tell?

when things happen
you can't think
what would happen?
it just happens

                                 Y.N